Realistic Thinking

   We can all be bogged down by negative thinking from time to time, such as calling ourselves mean names (e.g., “idiot”, “loser”), thinking no one likes us, expecting something, terrible will happen, or believing that we can’t overcome something no matter how hard we try. This is normal. No one thinks positively all of the time, particularly when feeling anxious. When we are anxious, we tend to see the world as a threatening and dangerous place.

   This reaction makes sense, because imagining the worst can help you to prepare for real danger, enabling you to protect yourself. For example, if you are home alone and you hear a strange scratching sound at the window, you might think it’s a burglar. If you believe that it’s a burglar, you will become very anxious and prepare yourself to either run out of the house, fight off an attack, or run to the phone and call for help.  Although this anxious response is helpful if there actually is a burglar at the window, it is not so helpful if your thought was wrong: for example, it might be a tree branch scratching the window. In this case, your thoughts were wrong because there was no real danger.

  The problem with thinking and acting as if there is danger when there is no real danger is that you feel unnecessarily anxious. Therefore, one effective strategy to manage your anxiety is to replace anxious, negative thinking with realistic thinking.

How to Do It

Step 1: Pay attention to your self-talk

• Thoughts are the things that we say to ourselves without speaking out loud (self-talk).

   We can have many thoughts every hour of the day. We all have our own way of thinking about things, and how we think has a big effect on how we feel. For example, imagine that you are out for a walk and you see a dog. If you think the dog is dangerous and will bite, you will feel scared. But, if you think the dog is cute, you will feel calm.

   Often, we are unaware of our thoughts, but because they have such a big impact on how we feel, it is important to start paying attention to what we are saying to ourselves.

Step 2: Identify thoughts that lead to feelings of anxiety

   It can take some time and practice to identify the specific thoughts that make you anxious, so here are some helpful tips:

• Pay attention to your shifts in anxiety, no matter how small. When you notice yourself getting more anxious, that is the time to ask yourself:
• “What am I thinking right now?”
• “What is making me feel anxious?”
• “What am I worried will happen?”
• “What bad thing do I expect to happen?”
• Some examples of “anxious” thoughts:
• “What if I can’t do it?”
• “I’m going to die of a heart attack!”
• “People are going to laugh at me if I mess up during the presentation.”
• “I’m going to go crazy if I can’t stop feeling so anxious.”
• “Things are not going to work out.”
• “I’m an idiot.”
• “What if something bad happens to my child?”ing bad will happen – such as being bitten by a dog – we feel anxious.